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How Robot REALLY died.. [08 Jan 2005|01:14pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

I don't know if Theresa has heard this, so I'll give her a little background. Carrie, feel free to add in anything. But, Carrie's old, crazy ex-boyfriend wasn't just crazy in the funny way. He was literally CRAZY! He had an imaginary friend named Robot. As we found out more and more what a scumbag Justin was, I started to really really hate him, and liked to say and do things to mess with his feeble mind. I even mentioned one day that I had a crowbar in my trunk (hinting that I'd use it on Justin if he didn't leave Carrie alone). One day, Justin told Carrie Robot had died (he had been depressed.. not Justin, the Robot). I thought that was about one of the funniest things I've ever heard, so I started to say that I killed Robot because I hated Justin so much. And now, I still don't like Justin and he is still insane. I was going to post this story in my personal journal for Justin to see, but decided against it. It is the TRUE story of how Robot died.

To Carrie, who has more reason to hate a robot then I ever will.

The first time I met him was the fall of my senior year at Indiana University. It was late, and I was alone. I was headed to a short cut through the on-campus forest, and was surprised to find myself apprehensive to enter. I am usually quite comfortable in that environment, but the night was such that one’s imagination can take control. The wind through the trees and the light of the moon created motion and shadows that were more eerie than peaceful. I also found that the usual noises from a forest were missing. No squirrels digging around in the leaves or running through the trees. No insects buzzing. Only the whir of the wind, and something else.. something I could not place. It sounded almost metallic.

My hairs stood on end as I realized the sound was getting louder, drawing nearer. I turned my head in the direction of the noise, hoping to see nothing, hoping it was only my imagination. To my horror, there was a shape moving towards me. It was no human. It was too big, too dense.

In the next instant, the noise and shape were upon me. I had no time to think, only time to duck and stumble to the right, as the massive metallic object hurled itself past my shoulder. As I was falling to the pavement, I saw the object in my mind’s eye. A long, heavy, metal bar. A crowbar?

I had no time to even consider the question, because there was a sickening clash of metal on metal so loud all thoughts were dislodged from my head. I saw only white and heard only that sound. I sprang to my feet and spun around.

A twisted form of scrap metal, bolts, and computer wiring lay smoldering behind me. I cautiously took a step forward. These were not random scraps.. this is a robot! Or atleast, it was a robot!

I felt my knees get weak and heard my heart pounding in my ears. Where did this thing come from? And what could have so quickly and completely destroyed it?

The answer to my last question was so magnificently terrible, I could never have imagined it, even in my worst nightmares. Again I heard the screeching metallic grind whining in the trees. It was coming back. I heard it riping through the trees, and suddenly the dark, heavy crowbar shot through the canopy and stopped just short of my head.

My instincts told me not to move. Do not flinch. Do not even take a breath. A dead, thundering voice spoke to me, “A can sense your fear”.

My heart was racing. The acidic taste of terror was on my tongue. I realized the giant crowbar was not audible, but communicating to me telepathically.

I took a breath and swallowed. With as much confidence as I could manage, I spoke, “What are you?”

A horrible, evil laugh resonated inside my head. “You know what I am. I know you are not stupid, human. I am exactly what you think I am. I am a crowbar. And I am as deadly as I am real.”

I involuntarily shuddered. I took a breath in. “Where did you come from?”

“Does it matter?! All that matters is I saved your pathetic life. Believe me, human, I would not have wasted my time if it did not already coincide with my current agenda.”

“Agenda?” I thought to myself. “What are you mean?”

“That decrepit pile of metal you are standing in front of is my kill! That robot was following you, but I stopped it dead in it’s tracks,” the voice echoed in my head.

“That was a robot? It was following me?” I squeaked, my voice reaching an abnormally high pitch. “Oh God, oh God,” I panted, as I tried to control my breathing. “I fucking hate robots,” I murmured.

The crowbar zoomed up close, almost hitting me in the forehead. I shut my eyes tight. “So do I,” the voice rang out. “That is why I am here. I hate robots, I track them down with all the strength and power I have in my being, and then I kill them.”

I looked directly at the crowbar. I looked directly into his beady, lifeless eyes. The evil laughter boomed out again, like metal crashing through glass. “Do not try and challenge me, human. You will fail. I spared your life once, and I will not do it again. Do not test me.”

I looked away. I knew he was right. With this presence in my life, I had no control. It all depended on the Crowbars next move.

“I saved your life. Because of this, you are forever in debt to me.” I cringed. I was afraid of this, and the last thing I wanted was to relinquish more control to this cold, harsh, metal bar. “I believe you can repay your debt. I believe that you cannot hate what you do not know. You hate robots, and you will tell me each and every robot you know.”

I didn’t ask what the Crowbar would do if I said no. I glanced down at the metal scraps remaining from the Crowbar’s last kill. I had a pretty good idea what the Crowbar would do.

“Yes,” the voice seethed with hatred. “Consider that Bot dead!” The Crowbar glowed red, like iron held over a fire, and shot away, the metallic sound disappearing through the trees. I did not even have to say the robots I know of. The Crowbar read it from my mind. I am a pawn. The Crowbar will use me. He will use anything he can to further his cause. He will destroy every robot this world has ever seen.

My next thought flooded over me. I knew exactly which robot to direct the Crowbar to next time.

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[06 Dec 2004|11:26am]

[ mood | happy ]

Whoa.. I take it back.. Carrie, this thing is amazing.

e.t. is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

In all fairness, the first test came out dale :)
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[15 Nov 2004|06:16pm]

Oh man.

My marriage may be in trouble.

I made pot roast and mashed potatoes for dinner 2 nights ago.

Tonight I want to make PORK CHOPS and mashed potatoes.

Ike prefers rice to mashed potatoes.

I, duh, love mashed potatoes.

I don't think I can go on.
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[28 Sep 2004|02:11pm]

[ mood | busy ]

Ladies ladies..

I definitely want everyone/anyone who can to come up Oct. 8. I unfortunately have to work from 2-10pm Friday, but I know if Theresa leaves after work, she won't be here until about then, and I figure Carrie wouldn't mind relaxing and grabbing some coffee before the drive :)

I want us to meet at my place around 10:15. I figure we will all be kind of tired, so we can have a few drinks and relax. Then, Saturday we can shop all day and go to IKEA, and at night, get dinner and maybe find a place for drinks in the city. Sunday I have to work at 2pm, but I figure that most people will want to be heading out around then anyways. You are welcome to stay as long as you want. We can work something out.

The place might be a little crowded, but I have an air mattress that could fit a cozy couple.. I can fit another 1-2 people in the bed with me.. there's a couch.. it might be a little cramped, but I think I can accomadate.

So, you are all invited, and I think I might invite Marc and Steph, but who knows if they will come!

Here's my address:
1100 S. Williams St.
Westmont, IL 60559
(630) 694-4428

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